Nihao My Concubine: Slayers' Style
by DemonPhoenix9
Summary: The slayers gang get stuck on an island, powerless and magicless. Also one by one the girls are disappearing. Hey don't tell Xel some guy is trying to marry Filia
1. Default Chapter

My own attempt at a parody, L-sama help us.  
  
  
  
Amelia poured herself some lemonade as she relaxed on a towel. Her beach umbrella shading her from the sun's rays. She looked down at her cute yellow one-piece swimming suit and smiled.  
  
"Yeah!" Xellos yelled as he was taming a small wave his hair getting soaked. Filia clutched her hammer and glared at the surfing mazoku. She quickly shook her head as face started to heat up.  
  
"Stupid namagomi. Why doesn't he help? It's hot I wanna play in the water too." Filia mumbled sweat slowly dripping from her forehead. Her blue two- piece not providing a lot of protection from the sun as she hammered on the boat. Lina looked at her with a pleading look wearing a two-piece orange swimsuit.  
  
"Come on, Filia. The faster we repair this boat. We can go back home." She said. "Although it would be easier if our magic worked or you could transform." Lina and Filia turned their heads as they heard a splash and laughing. It was Xellos clutching his surf boarding in his left arm.  
  
"Just give up on the boat and have fun already. You two are the only one's working on it." He mused pointing to Martina and Amelia drinking lemonade in the shade. Syphiel, Gourry, and young Val building a sand castle. Zangalus and Zelgadis were playing a small game of volleyball. Xellos laughed at the two and started to splash water at them. Filia eyes grew red with rage and she clutched onto her hammer harder.  
  
"Why you.......Namagomi!" she yelled trying to bash her head in his face. Xellos laughed and avoided each of her assaults. They both started to run around Lina who placed her hands on her lips.  
  
"You two enough of this. Xellos stop teasing Filia. Filia stop provoking Xellos." She yelled rubbing her temples. Xellos laughed and continued to tease the dragon.  
  
"C'mon. C'mon Fi-chan." He teased opening one eye. Filia growled and chased him.  
  
"You're dead!" she growled as they both trampled through Syphiel, Gourry and Val's castle.  
  
"Hey!" they yelled in unison. Xellos and Filia ignored them continued with their quarrel until they were running along the beachside of a mysterious island.  
  
****FLASBACK****  
  
Filia waved a handmade fan in her face. "Man it's hot! Maybe we should have gone to Saillune castle for the reunion." Filia sighed as her friends decided to go to her house for their annual reunion. Not knowing there was a heat wave going on in the town Filia lived. Lina rubbed a piece of ice against her forehead.  
  
"Val, can you do me a favour and get Lina-neesan something to drink?" she asked hoping the young dragon to get up. He lolled his pink tongue out at her and shook his head. Lina groaned. "Gourry, Amelia, Zelgadis, Syphiel could you...." Lina would've continued but they cut her off.  
  
"No!" they yelled the heat getting on their nerves. The doorbell rang and Filia turned her head. She heard it ring again and Filia gave a large yawn. Amelia looked at her.  
  
"Filia, aren't you going to get the door?" she asked. A light bulb appeared before Filia and she got up. She opened the door and there burst in Zangalus and Martina. They bounded into the living room, looking at the edgy and extremely sweaty group. Martina smiled.  
  
"Guess what?" she questioned. Everyone rolled their eyes while Val laid down to take a nap.  
  
"What!" they groaned. Martina smiled and gave the v-sign.  
  
"My hubbie, Zangalus just rented a yacht. We can go sailing and enjoy the cool breath." She exclaimed. That caught everyone's attention and both Filia and Val wagged their tails anxiously. Lina stood up and smiled.  
  
"What are we waiting for? Lets get to that yatch, everyone!" she yelled. Everyone stood up and raised their fists.  
  
"Yeah!" they yelled.  
  
~***~  
  
Filia breezed in the fresh air as they sailed the open seas. "Hey, where are we?" she asked. Lina shrugged looking up to Zangalus who was looking frantically at the map. Filia's tail popped out again and her face grimaced. Lina noticed her new composure.  
  
"Something wrong......ack Xellos." Lina said as the mysterious priest himself showed up. He smiled wearing a light breezy yellow shirt and black shorts.  
  
"Hello everyone. Hello Fi-chan." He said giving her a small wink. Filia blushed and turned her back to him. Val noticed the fruitcake mazoku and ran up to him and gave him a hug. Filia shuddered inwardly. Zelgadis walked up to the mazoku holding the young dragon.  
  
"So Xellos why are you here now?" he asked getting Filia's keen attention. Xellos smiled at the chimera.  
  
"What, I can't relax with my friends on a boat." He said placing Val up on his shoulders. Everyone sweatdropped and continued to go on with their business. Xellos smiled and went to sit down with his golden dragon. "So, how's it been going for Fi-chan?" Xellos asked letting Val run off. Filia smiled at Val who scuttled off. Filia swished her tail and unsheathed her mace and brought it down upon his head.  
  
"Why are you hear you mazoku filth?" she hissed. She would've continued her assault when Gourry yelled something.  
  
"Storm clouds. Storms clouds are right beside us!" he yelled. Everyone turned their attention and panicked as the wind swept them and their boat away deep into the sea.  
  
****END FLASHBACK****  
  
"Come back here you steaming pile if filth!" Filia yelled throwing boulders at the giddy mazoku. Xellos smiled and thought inwardly.  
  
"Well my mission is looking like a total bust to find the dragon's pot without any magic, but I'm having lots of fun with Fi-chan." He thought as he continued to run from the angry dragon. Unaware of the other beings that came upon that island were lurking in the shadows.  
  
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How you like so far? Bye-Bye. 


	2. Chapter 2

Hmm I'm back on the updating trolley. ^_^ "I said get back here!" Filia shouted as she chased the laughing mazoku all over the beach. Xellos only stuck his tongue out at the dragon and continued to run like hell, towards the direction off the yacht that Lina was trying to repair. "C'mon Fi-chan you can do better than that." He teased as he jumped up on the dilapidated yacht. The dragon's face turned blood red and she readied her hammer. She leaped up on the yacht and pursued the chuckling mazoku smashing everything in sight trying to hit his face. Lina huffed. "Hey, you two idiots we need that yacht intact to get off this island!" she shrieked getting the attention of everyone. Gourry and Val quickly ran over to the growling Lina, not noticing a shadow was creeping up behind Syphiel. "Oi, Lina calm down. They're only having a little fun." Gourry chirped trying to get her to stop freaking out. She turned to him her mouth making a little twitch. "I'd like to get off this island so I can get my powers back and if those two destroy the boat that won't happen." She hissed and turned back to yell at the dragon and mazoku. Filia smashed the steering wheel of the yacht and shifted her position. "Stop moving will you." She hissed swinging to hit the mazoku and ended up smashing part of the deck. Xellos jumped out of the way and quickly smirked at her. "I just don't understand how you dragons can be so violent." He said in a smooth voice and quickly jumped off the yacht. Filia growled her good judgement being thrown out the window. "YOU DIE!" she shrieked and smashed her hammer, missing him once more as he jumped off the vessel that was quickly crumbling. Filia looked from left to right and hopped off the boat and went over to the very pissed Lina. "Hehehe. Sorry." She said in a cute voice. Lina clenched her fists and was about to sock the pouting dragon when Martina and Amelia held her back. "Let me go!" she yelled struggling in their grip. Xellos chuckled to himself. "Look at the damage our little dragon did?" he said grinning ear to ear. Filia turned to him her hammer still in her hand was about to try hitting him when Lina came over and put him in a chokehold. "It's a much as your fault as hers." She grumbled still chocking the gagging Xellos. Val shook his head and went back to try to re-build the sandcastle. "Grown-ups" he muttered walking over to the mound of sand where Syphiel would've been. He looked around. "Syphiel. Syphiel." He called looking around for the priestess but only found a small fruit where he saw her last. He picked up the fruit, inspecting its details. "A pomegranate." He mumbled running back to the arguing adults. ~***~ "So did you find her?" Lina asked to Gourry who shook his head. Lina sighed and scratched her head. "This is definitely not like Syphiel, where could she be?" Lina mumbled looking out at the darkening sky through a small shack. Xellos, Filia and Val came back to the little shack they were supposed to meet up with everyone. Lina turned to them. Filia shook her head. "No, sign of her." Filia replied. Val tugged on Filia's hand, she looked down at her son. "Will we ever find her?" he asked hope looking very dim in his eyes, still holding the pomegranate. Filia blinked and took a glimpse over to Xellos, who was intently listening to the conversation. "Well, Val.......uhhh......" Filia was cut off by the loud shouts coming from Zelgadis and Zangalus. "Martina! Martina!" He yelled coming out from the jungle with Zelgadis both looking very shook up. Zangalus went up to Lina, his eyes bloodshot. "Martina's gone." He yelled as Zelgadis came from behind him growling slightly. "Not only Martina but Amelia is gone as well." He stated clenching his fist. Lina's eyes widened in shock. "Both of them are gone?" she questioned not totally believing their words. They both nodded and held out fruits in their hands. Lina took a closer look. "Pomegranates?" Zangalus nodded his head. "Yes, when they disappeared all that was left was this fruit. I just turned my back for a second and she was gone." He hissed. Gourry scratched his head and went to the door to look for any sight of the girls or something. But soon he too disappeared. "Gourry! Gourry!" Lina yelled looking for the blonde. Xellos came over and pointed down, to where an unconscious Gourry was. "Don't worry your jellyfish merely tripped and fell." He said walking back towards Filia and Val. Lina jumped down to where Gourry was getting out of sight so the others couldn't see. She approached him and reached to wake him up, but she couldn't for she disappeared. ~***~ "Ah! Lina's gone too." Gourry cried while sitting down with the others at a rickety table. "I was supposed to be her protector. Damn those jellyfish!" he shouted. Val looked at him while sitting in Filia's lap. "Why are you cursing the jellyfish?" he asked curiosity overcoming him. Gourry put on a serious face. "I used to here rumours about jellyfish that kidnapped woman for their own amusement." He stated while everyone else in the room sweatdropped. Xellos cleared his throat and looked at the 4 pomegranates in the middle of the table. "It is now clear we are not alone on this island. Four women have been kidnapped for unknown reasons and the only clue left are these 4 pomegranates. We all no who's going to be the next target." He explained while everyone looked at Filia. "The next target is going to be Gourry!" he said while everyone collapsed. Filia clenched her fist. "I think your confused you namagomi fool." She hissed. Xellos shook his head. "Wrong their next target will be Gourry. Cause I have a plan." He replied looking at the blonde with an evil glint in his eyes. ********************************************************** I hope you like it when Gourry dresses up like a girl. Bye. 


	3. Chapter 3

Oh boy I haven't updated for a while. Enjoy.  
  
  
  
"Are you sure this is going to work? Filia questioned looking at the mazoku who was holding a rope. He gave her a grin.  
  
"No need to worry Lizard Lips, this plan is foolproof." He boasted as he slightly tightened his grip on the rope. Zangalus covered his ears from Gourry's scream. For Xellos' plan to work they had to tie him to a wooden peg on the beach, while everyone else hid in the bushes. Gourry's eyes watered as he kicked his nail polished feet, the colour was puffy rouge, grains of sand spat on his blushed cheeks.  
  
"Get, me out of here!" he bellowed shaking his head side-to-side causing his pigtails to bob left and right. "If you get me out of this costume I'll give you a kiss." He cried batting his eyes with pink mascara and puckering his red lips. Zelgadis shuddered outwardly and rubbed his hands together.  
  
"Now that is something, I'd thought I never hear from those lips." He mumbled while the young ancient dragon nodded his head. Xellos raised his hand to hush them all he sensed something was coming. Every turned their attention to the screaming Gourry, the wind seemed to pick up but the noise of the forest dies down in an eerie silence. The golden dragon shivered at the cool breeze that coming upon them.  
  
"Any minute, now." The mazoku whispered getting ready to pull the bucket of water attached to Gourry's peg that would wash off the makeup. A loud shriek brought Xellos out of his thoughtful gaze as he turned to Filia who was being pulled into some dark mass of shadow.  
  
"I need some help here!" She yelled stretching out her arms to grab something. Xellos threw away the rope and dove for the dragon, and clutched onto her arms. The chimera narrowed his eyes seeing a ripple emerging from the shadow and a brown, furry elbow popping out and diving back in.  
  
"Xellos, strike the shadow!" he yelled as the mazoku clenched his fists and pounded on the dark mass. A large of explosion of sand sent Filia reeling as Xellos caught her in his arms. The dragon coughed and wiped the sand from her eyes. The black shadow jumped towards a palm tree and started to form itself completely. The gang blinked as they saw the intruder.  
  
"What a strange beastman." Val contemplated, as he looked the creature up and down resembling a monkey. The beast glowered at him, his curly tail swishing from side to side.  
  
"Whom're you calling strange?" he whined hoping of the tree with a flip and landing in front of them. Filia's long ears quirked, as she heard yelling coming from behind them.  
  
"Oi, pull the bucket!" Gourry yelled turning his body to and fro to avoid his attackers.  
  
"We forgot about Gourry," she remembered as they looked over to the swordsman who was yelping and kicking away four other dark masses. Zangalus blinked and raced towards the rope, giving it a good jerk. The liquid quickly dumped itself upon the swordsman's' head washing away his feminine guise. He stretched his arms as much as he could rip his bindings to shreds and standing up, hastily removing his dress. The others ran up towards him as the black masses started to join together and a pink light started to engulf them.  
  
"So, lets see who theses guys really are." Xellos whispered slightly putting himself in front of the golden dragon. When the light died down the tide splashed against the mysterious invaders shoes. The monkey beastman giggled and hoped over to his comrades standing at the far end of 3 people. On the left side was the monkey man and another broad man that looked like a dog with floppy ears and a black nose decorated with 3 whiskers on each cheek. The man on the far right was dressed in a black cloak and wad dawned with a tribal mask trimmed with bones and fathers of various animals. In the middle stood the ringleader a small young boy not to bigger than Lina. He had light blue hair that reached his back. He had large sword attached to one of his sides and something of great value to Xellos on his left side.  
  
"The dragon pot." The mazoku said through clenched teeth. He looked the boy up and down with a smirk. "So, that little runt has it, huh. But not for long." Filia looked at the mazoku who had took great interest with these mysterious men.  
  
"Dragon pot." She pondered to herself as the attackers started to get restless. The boy lifted his hand and pointed to Filia.  
  
"You, there come with me." He motioned towards the golden dragon. She blinked in shot and griped her fists as she slowly stepped back slightly. The mazoku stepped completely in front of the dragon blocking her from the boy's gaze.  
  
"She won't be joining you and for the other woman return them to us. But more importantly right now give me that dragon pot!" Xellos ordered pointing the pot on attached to the boys waist. The boy raised his blue brow in surprise and lowered his face so his bangs were covering his eyes. He clenched palm and started to mutter a few words. The group watched him warily; the golden dragon blinked and started to notice that her eyes lids were getting heavy. So heavy that she fell asleep and was falling to the sand.  
  
"Kaa-san!" Val shrieked as a pink light engulfed Filia suddenly transporting her into the mysterious boys hand.  
  
"He's got Filia!" Zelgadis exclaimed as the boy laughed and raised his sword while holing the slumbering dragon.  
  
"Let her go, boy." The mazoku hissed his head filling with rage. The boy merely laughed and turned his sword in a semi-clockwork position.  
  
"NOW, YOU DIE!" he yelled as a bright flash of light raced towards the men engulfing them in its burning hell as they were hidden within it's depth and loud and ruthless cackle echoing in their ears.  
  
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Boy, took me a while to update this schoolwork takes up lots of time. 


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